Hello, my name is Mitsy, and I am addicted to yard sales.

There are things in life that we do because we have to. Then, there are those things that we secretly love, even if we act like they are a nuisance. About every 6 months, my wife decides she will have a yard sale. When this topic comes up, I flashback to "yard sale people" in your driveway one hour before you are going to start. They hover like vultures to get the first picks. Then they haggle with you over a .50 Christmas ornament.

I remember growing up each Christmas, as a family, we would go select a real tree. Once we got it home, my dad and I would put the tree in the stand and get it level. At this point, my dad would ask my mom to be the judge on which direction the tree needed to be adjusted. For a average size tree this might be an easy process. However, most years we went for a "Griswold" size Christmas Tree. Like clockwork, 15 minutes into the leveling process, Dad would start to get frustrated as the tree was still not set. Mom would respond by saying; "that's it! Next year we are just getting an artificial tree.". To this day, my parents are still buying real Christmas trees.

The point of this is, even the things that we enjoy will test our patience and sanity from time to time. We need to learn to embrace the stress as part of the process.

So as a final tip, Christmas tree will never be level. They are grown on the side of mountains. After a few glasses of egg nog, no one will notice anyway!

Underwear is not the only thing that should be supportive

There is not one time that someone interviewed after a victory does not thank all of those that supported them in their pursuit. No great achievement can be done without support. Those that support us give us the confidence to push beyond where we thought we go.

Mitsy is training for a half marathon. I am extremely proud of her taking on this goal. I plan on being there for support as she is training as well as being there cheering her on at the finish line.

Motivation starts the ball rolling, determination keeping it rolling, but support helps to prevent the ball from rolling back on top of us.

Catch me I'm Falling.

Why do you think people get so excited to see the fall colors? Is it because brown and orange remind us of how much we love candy corn? Is it because colored leafs are fun to put under wax paper for art projects? Or is it because it reminds us of a good Robert Frost poem?

For me, Fall colors remind me of one of my favorite books at this time. It goes something like this; " Red shirt, blue shirt, yellow shirt, oops.". Ok, this is not a book about fall per say, but one of the main characters is a turkey!

So in honor of Fall, I will make a commitment to rake all of the color leaves every week until they are gone. Wait, never mind.....I only have palm trees.

Come to vote, we have cookies

I heard this story today. Apparently, in several areas around the country, one party or another was providing free meals and rides to and from the polls.

The first rule that I learned in economics was; "There is no such thing as a free lunch". No matter what party it is, I am suspicious of this type of voter turn out. It reminds me of Chicago, where voters would be rounded up, paid, and told who to vote for.

The right to vote is very important. That being said, it is my hope that there are more educated voters than not. There is nothing more frightening than a voter without a clue. Everyone has the right to their own opinion. So, don't believe everything that you have seen on the Internet, TV, or heard on the radio. If so, you are probably only receiving 1/2 of the truth.

Facebook will not control my life..no...I mean, Facebook will not control my wife.

There was an article in the Charlotte Observer on Saturday that caught my attention. It said a mother bet her daughter $300 that the daughter could not stay off of Facebook for 30 days. The daughter won. Thinking out loud, I said "There is no way that Mitsy could go 30 days without Facebook". Not one to shy away from a challenge, she agreed. Now, this was a "no money" challenge, because I don't think I would win once she set her mind to it.

The sad part about these social media sites, is that people have started using these in replacement of actually talking to others. There was a news story on NBC that said people that spend time more time on social media, have less "real friends".

Now, in full disclosure, I am on Facebook. However, that being said, I do not think that I have posted anything on my wife's wall. Why? If I want to say something to her, I will call her if I am not home. If I am at home.....get ready for it.......I will talk to her. I know, that is a crazy thought.

Facebook like beer can be satisfying. But, moderation is the key.

Put some socks on, my feet are cold.

This is a statement at first thought seems a bit odd. I remember my mom saying this to me growing up. I got the point, but looking back it is does make you think. The point was simply that if she was cold, it would be in my best interest to have something on my feet. As a parent I get it. But, imagine if you will that your boss said; "I am getting pressure to produce, so you need to work harder." How about the government saying, " we have spent all of our budget so we need more of your money."

Wow, these last two statements sounds ridiculous, but they are all too common today. I think that all too often people in leadership positions are leading based on their best interests, not the best interests of those they represent.

We are moving you to make room for other people

This week at work, we were told that the we will be moved to the second floor and the third floor would be leased out to another company. When this was announced, I couldn't help but think of this scene from "Office Space".

The question becomes, do you let yourself become a "Milton", or do you act like the CEO of "you inc." and work on your long term plan. You see, companies act in the best interest of the company. Therefore, you need to act in your best interest. Exploring your options and keeping your resume' polished does not make you a bad employee. It makes you responsible and practical.

Finally, a reason to wear capri pants!

You know there is bad weather when Jim Cantore comes to your town. It has rained here in Wilmington for 4 straight days. We have seen around 23 inches of rain since Sunday afternoon.

Now there are many things in life that I question the purpose of. Things like broccoli, twitter, braille on drive up ATMs, and Capri pants. The first time I saw Capri pants, I remember thinking "make up your mind" You are either wearing shorts or pants. Stop being so indecisive!

I remember about 4 years ago, being at Alligator Adventure in Myrtle Beach, SC. There was a boy about 5-7 years old with his family. They were standing in front of us while waiting to see the next scheduled feeding. The boy starting every sentence by saying, "Daddy, why do.....". Now that might not sound odd, but imagine he said it with a "Water Boy" type accent. After about 9 consecutive questions, I started copying him. You see, the boy was either wearing capri pants, or they were in the dryer much too long. I would look over at Mitsy and say in my best "Water Boy" tone; "Daddy, why you make me wear these Capri pants?" While it does lose something in translation, it was hysterical at the time.

Now years later, I have found a purpose for them. With 23 inches of rain, the Capri wearing people of the world can smile while wearing their dry pants.

Where have all the Good People Gone?

Jack Johnson was on to something.

The political commercials are in full swing. I always get a bad taste in my mouth when these start. Why? For the simple reason that I do not believe any of them. They all seem to have alterior motives. Instead of telling the truth, all of these politicians are trying to sell you on why they are better than their competition. I wish they would be able to show that they are the right person for the job, rather than just being better than the others.

I would vote for someone in a heartbeat that kept their pitch honest and said:

There are individuals, businesses, future generations, and our environment to consider. Each of these needs to be able to work together so that in 50 years, we can say that the world is a better place. If one of these takes priority over the other than we all suffer. Big business cannot override the environment, and individuals cannot take priority over future generations. Everyone will have to give a little to make it work.

Now, before someone calls me a communist, I am not talking about wealth distribution. If you earn it, you should be able to keep it. However, I think that it is selfish to not consider how you will impact the world around you.

Make sure you stretch before you jump the shark

Jumptheshark.com is a great website. The basic premise of the name goes back the the tv show "Happy Days". There was an episode several seasons into the series where Fonzie was water skiing in his leather jacket and jumps over a shark. This was the point in the series you knew that it was over.

When a show continues on beyond its lifespan, it becomes painful to watch. This has happen with many shows. I think that "American Idol" should have ended with the exit of Simon, but the network could not let it go. Now we will have J Lo and Steven Tyler. These are not people that inspire viewers to continue to watch.

There seems to be a mindset in tv and movies that the magic and success of an original can be remade and have the same success. Unfortunately, in most cases the second time around is never as powerful. I counted down the days before the "Dukes of Hazzard" movie came out, as a lifetime fan of the tv series. Like most, I was very disappointed.

Today is the opening of "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps". Now I have watched the original Wall Street more times than I can count. I am sure that I will watch it many more times. I am cautiously optimistic that this sequel will be good. I hope that Oliver Stone does not try and remake "Wall Street", but lets this movie have a identity of its own. So, as Gordon Gekko says to Bud Fox; "lets roll the dice and play a little Monopoly".

I don't want your expertise, I know everything because I saw it on the Internet!

You would not believe how true the title of this post is. I hear from dozens of people from all walks of life and every state each day. And every day it is the same story. "I know that interest rates are dramatically lower than where YOU have me at. If you can not GIVE me a better rate then I will refinance with somebody else." There are so many things wrong with this statement, that it is hard to know where to begin.

The major problem as I see it, is that most Americans have received their financial education from TV, the Internet, friends, or their family. The last two are the most dangerous. Why? Because more often than not, these people are no brighter than the one they are giving the advice too. Before I went to college for a business degree, the only financial courses available in the public school system were in the form of electives. I do not understand how an education policy maker thinks that I will not survive in the world without reading Beowulf, but I will be just fine not knowing how to balance a checking account, understanding the fundamentals of a credit score, or the difference between simple and compounding interest!

So, here is my public service for the day. Let us say that you purchased a house in 2005 for $200,000. You were unlike many people and put 20% down, so your new mortgage is $160,000. The interest rate you received was 6.00% on a 30 year fixed mortgage. At that time you did not pay any discount points and your total closing costs were $2,500. Your monthly principal & interest payment is $959.28.

You are being a good borrower and paying your mortgage down, and then you go on the Internet in 2007. You see that interest rates "are at an all time low", and you know that you have to refinance because you will save money. So, you refinance into a new 30 year fixed mortgage at 5.0%. Your balance at that time is down to $155,949.51. The closing costs on the refinance will be another $2,500. You decide to roll these costs back into the loan because the new payment will still be lower. Your new mortgage is now $158,449.51 and your new principal and interest payment is $850.59. You think you got a good deal and life goes on.

Now, it is 2010 and "rates are at an all time low". So, you decide to check out your options. The thought of a 15 year fixed sounds nice, but your lifestyle will not allow for such a large payment. The loan officer said that they can get you 4.5% on a 30 year mortgage with a reduced $1,500 in total closing costs. The question: do you do it? Now, before you answer, I have one additional piece of information. Your family is growing and you think you will need to move in 5 years to a bigger home. Most people would say yes because the payment will once again decrease to $773.06. This will allow them to pay down other bills and save for a bigger home. True, but at what cost?

Let's say in 5 years you move and sell this home for $225,000 and you did decide to refinance the second time. Your payoff mortgage balance is $139,080.83. At this point, you have paid $88,303.69 in interest and fees since 2005! Now if you did not refinance the second time, your balance would be $136,033.63. Your interest and fees paid would be $83,312.69.

What does this tell us? Refinancing is not something that should be done too many times. The more you refinance the less the benefit will be. In this example the 2nd refi caused you to pay 5 thousand more in interest and still owe 3 thousand more and the balance.

Before you think about refinancing, get off the Internet!!!!! Ask yourself, how long will I be in this home? How much have I already paid in interest and fees? Be honest. The only person that you hurt is yourself by listening to other people who are saying "you need to lower your rate".

I spy Jack Johnson and bet he does not wait at DMV

Eating dinner at K38 in Wilmington, NC this evening for my birthday. There he was, sitting right behind us. If it was not him, then I should not have ordered that last round. Jack, if that was you, great show in Raleigh!

As I mentioned, today was my birthday. Which means a trip to DMV. This is one of those trips that I avoid if at all possible. I really believe that DMV stands for Don't Move with Vigor. If this is a function of budget cuts, I have a great solution. Self Checkout! You wait your turn, sign in to the computer, select what you need, take the 10 question test, print your renewal, and leave. I mean honestly, have you seen people drive in this state? The examiners must not be that picky.

I don't think that my age should match my Body fat %

Ok, it is not that bad. But, it is also not that far off. What can I say; I find beer, soda, and a diet that most college guys would enjoy an easy choice compared to hitting the gym and eating from all the foods group.

There was a time (7 years ago) when I was in the gym daily, ate good, and had a lot of energy. It is time to find that motivation again. Why? I have several reasons. First, a 1 year old who is busier than a politician in November. Second, I am tired more often than I am not.

So, the plan! I with my sidekick Mitsy, are starting this week with a goal of getting back into the gym and running a 5k by the holidays.

Who wants to wear the turkey hat?

So, on Thursday I was told that I needed to cross sell a certain number of times each day. What is "cross sell" you might ask? The corporate definition is, "to establish a deeper customer relationship with the company by serving as many areas of their lives as possible." This translates as: "after you offer the customer what they want, you continue to probe in order to find other areas where you can exploit."

If I did not, I would be forced to wear a hat that was in the shape of a Thanksgiving turkey. I am assuming the thought process was that no professional would want to wear this.

Well, you know what they say about assumptions. I personally liked the Turkey hat and volunteered to wear it everyday in order not to comply with this extra burden that takes my job description one step closer to telemarketer/timeshare pusher. My volunteering was met with a quick "no".

Now do not misunderstand. I think that it is a vital part of every company to inform existing customers of new products that they may be interested in. However, I don't believe that customers become loyal because they buy a certain amount of products from you. Customers are loyal because you provide exceptional service on one thing. They will then seek you out for their other needs.

My father does not go to the same car dealer for every purchase because they try to sell him this, that, and another. He goes there because he knows he will receive a fair deal (which is not always the lowest deal) and excellent service. It is unfortunate that loyalty for the most part has been lost in my generation. Maybe it is because companies are no longer satisfied with providing quality, the bottom line is more important.

its hip to be square....but not if you are going for Feng Shui

I think that all of us are looking for balance and that zin feeling where everything seems to just flow. As is the case, I think this stems from the fact that our lives are full of stimulation & stress.

Now, I am not suggesting that we all sit around a campfire, meditating for world peace, and singing "rainbow connection". Then again, why not. When was the last time hippies made the world a worse place.

Back again with a 2nd verse

And you thought that I was done....OK, so did I.

I stopped posting for a few reasons. The main reason was I lost my direction and motivation. I am finished with bashing office life. Why? Because at the end of the day, corporate life will not change until management changes. This will not happen simply because it is not good for their bottom line.

So where am I going with my posts? I am simply going to let it take its own direction. As two of my favorite artists would say "So just chill till the next episode"; and "where this all ends, I can't fathom my friends. " Thank you Jimmy Buffett and Dr. Dre.

You can't do step 3 before step 2...You just can't!

In Corporate America, there is one way that things should be done, the companies way. Now, if you don't know the company's way, I am sure that there is a "process flow" you can reference.

Process flows are a great way to create uniformity, efficiently, and productivity. The down side is that if these processes are too stringent, your employees begin to function more like robots than educated, free thinking humans. Have you ever wondered why some job postings require a certain number of years of experience or education? The reason is simple. The position should require these skills. Now, if the company is going to teach you how to do each process with line by line uniformity, do you really need the education or experience?

The reason why people start up businesses and succeed is because there are multiple ways to get to the finish line. Sometimes, a start up business has the free thinking creativity to find a better way of getting to the finish line. It may not be the fastest or cheapest way, but it may be better for the customer. Think about it; micro brews, Patagonia, custom built furniture, the list is endless. All of these things are created by people who know the "processes". These people know the rules, but they used their grey matter to make the end result a customer pleasing experience by putting a their own spin on things.

The bottom line is important. It is how we stay in business. However, providing products and services that we are proud of is why we are in business.

Did you get that memo on the TPS reports?

Reports give us information to help evaluate our past and provide direction for our future. Reports are a good thing. However, just like most things, everything is good in moderation. When reports overtake your ability to be productive, there is a problem. Now, why isn't there a report for that? A report showing the number of reports that a person can comply with before that employee starts to lose productivity.



Micro managers love reports. Why? Simple, a report thinks for them. If you have no connection with your workforce, the only way to grade yourself and your team is with reports. The downside of reports is that they never tell the whole story. Reports are only as good as the people who analyze them.



So, as employees, what are we to do? I think that we should time ourselves doing our jobs at our best without worrying about any reports. The next day, time yourself while reviewing and complying with all of the reports that came across your desk. Now which day where you a more efficient employee? I thought so.



I apologize that I did not post the last few days....I was busy reading reports!

TGIF...as long as the Man doesn't have you work on Saturday.

Everyone has something that they do to separate Friday from the rest of the week. I remember back in high school, I had a Spanish teacher that would have the class repeat this phrase every Friday. Hoy es viernes y tengo que trabajar, pero mañana es sábado y voy a descansaré.



On Friday afternoon on the drive home, Radio Margaritaville plays, "It Five O'clock Somewhere". Friday is also casual dress for many offices. Friday is the light at the end of the work week that gives us an energy rush to finish strong and sprint to the finish.



Now, there are some things that can dampen the Friday energy. So, I would like to identify these so that we can try to avoid these at all cost.



1. Injured animals on the side of the road. (I know this sounds cruel, but remember rabies is not fun on Fridays!)



2. Meetings before 1pm. (After 1pm is OK. You are not paying attention after 1pm anyway)



3. CAA tournament score updates (UNCW lost in the first round. Good job guys.)



4. 5 day old milk (Breakfast is important, but not that important.)



And finally,

5. the office (The best Friday after all, is one where you are not in the office!)

Is it Groundhog Day?

Groundhog Day was a great movie. The concept is a guy (Bill Murry), is stuck repeating the same day until he figures out what makes him happy. Have you had on of those weeks, months, or years where you felt that you were stuck in repeat? I certainly have. I think the interesting part of this film is that Bill Murray tries everything that he can think of to end this day, but chooses true happiness last. Why is that?



So many days at the office can seem to be the same day over and over again. The clients, the desk, and the problems are the same day after day. The difference is you! You have the ability to spice up the daily grind.



Now, there is a different holiday and "national week of something" almost every day. So, lets embrace the daily holiday to keep life in the office from being the same everyday.



This week is National Procrastination Week, Return the borrowed book week, and Friday is National Name Tag Day. In honor of Name Tag Day, we should all wear name tags with our "adult film star" name. For those of you that don't know your name, it is the name of your first pet and the street you grew up on. I would create a name tag, but I will not. After all, it is National Procrastination week.

For English press 1......For Polish, press 12

How often have you hung up the phone and said, "I have no idea what they just said". The hardest time to give customer service is when you have no idea what the person is saying. Sometimes it would be easier if they were not speaking English at all. At least then you would not be expected to know what they were saying. So, what can we do in this situation?

There are many good options, so I listed some of your best choices. Option 1, nicely ask the person to repeat themselves as many times as needed. Option 2, offer to transfer the customer to a translator. Option 3, offer to communicate only by e-mail and hope that they know how to write in English. Finally Option 4, ask all of your questions like Yoda. Granted, this option will not get you anywhere with the client, but at least it will be funny.

Ask good questions you must. The right answers you may receive.

Why rappers should run the corporate PR department.

When was the last time that you received a corporate communication. Now is it just me, or are most of these communications as generic as they can be? Its like they want to communicate a message but they don't really want to say it. So, they just create a lot of fluff and expect you to know what they are saying.

Now, we have all heard a Lil Jon song. After 3 1/2 minutes of Lil Jon rapping, he has not really said anything. Or in the words of Dr. Dre; "Its like this and like that and like this and uh." If that does not sound like a corporate e-mail, I don't know what does. At least a rapper can make it sound good.

So, the next time that you receive a corporate e-mail that makes no sense, read it out loud, then say "Make em say UNGGGGGGH, Na-nah na-nah".

The Yankees are coming, the Yankees are coming!

Have you ever wondered why those of us in the south still get a sour taste in our mouth when someone says they are from up north. I guarantee that most of us Southerners would agree that it has nothing to do with the Civil War.

In the south, we are taught from a young age to be polite, respectful, and to enjoy the simple things in life. I have visited every state in the northeast, and there are some beautiful areas and some great people. However, it amazes me how "busy" people seem to be. Yankees always seem to be in a hurry and everything always has to be done asap. Its like they are drinking Redbull 24/7. I remember being up north and holding a door open for someone. They looked at me like I had lost my mind.

Being Southern has nothing to do with race or rednecks. Its about living life at a slower pace. Its about saying Thank You, Yes Mam, and y'all. Its about listening without interrupting, sweet tea, and pork bar-b-que. I love to travel, but there is nothing like coming back home to the south.

So the next time you are at work and encounter a Yankee just remember, they don't know any better. It is our job to extend our Southern Hospitality to everyone and educate them. We should start a movement; "No Yankee left behind". After all, it worked so well for the public education!

The rat race is over....The rats won.

The first time that I saw this phrase was on a cross-stitch on the wall at my house growing up. I did not understand what this meant. It seemed like a ridiculous statement. As a corporate cubicle dweller, this phrase has become crystal clear.

It is amazing how we all seem to run around everyday in a race. What they don't tell us is that, this race will never end. So, how to we pace ourselves on this race? We do this by using humor. We do this because as the great philosopher Jimmy Buffett said; "If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane."

Today's challenge is this. Pull together all of the employees in your department. Develop a "Professional Wrestling" intro with music for all of the employees. Every Friday morning, call out your intros and run down the cubicle row before work to pump yourself up. Think about how cool it would be to show up to work and hear Jimmy Hendrix's Voodoo Child, followed by "now entering the office, hailing from cubicle 363 ..."

That would more fun than say.....an e-mailed picture of Chuck Norris!

It puts the lotion in the basket.

If you did not read the title and say to yourself, "or it gets the hose again", you really need to brush up on your movies. This is one of the famous lines in the movie Silence of the Lambs. So, what does this have to do with the world of Corporate America?

All of us answer to someone. In some situations, many of us feel that we are being held captive, forced into decisions that only have one option. But, this is life. The creative person will take their situation and use it to their benefit. Sun Tzu stated; "When the enemy is at ease, be able to weary him; when well fed, to starve him; when at rest, to make him move. Appear at places to which he must hasten; move swiftly where he does not expect you."

Take your situation whatever it is, and use your creativity, skill, and intelligence to manipulate it to your advantage. If this does not work, you can always become speed skating coach for The Netherlands, I hear they are in need of a new one!

529...411 part 2

I left off yesterday with a statement regarding mutual funds.

A mutual fund is simply a group of stocks or bonds. These can be grouped in many different ways. The reason that mutual funds are extremely popular is that the funds allow individuals with smaller amounts of invested cash to earn returns better than savings accounts and achieve diversification within their portfolio. Now, let me be very clear. Investing in a mutual fund will not always properly diversify your portfolio. But, that is a topic for another day.

So, how do you tell how good a mutual fund is? Well, there are a few key factors to look at. First, what is the Morningstar rating? Morningstar rates mutual funds with a star system of 1 to 5. The more stars the better. These ratings are based on past performance and updated on a monthly basis. The second key to look at is the mutual fund's performance as compared to the market. The fund performance figures are easy to locate on Yahoo Finance. I would then compare these figures against an index like the S &P 500 over the same period of time.

Lets take a look at one of the Vanguard funds that is available for the NC 529 plan with the College Foundation. The most aggressive Vanguard option is the Vanguard LifeStrategy Growth Fund. The College Foundation provides the performance numbers on their website. However, because these investment options are relatively new, they only provide performance figures for last year, and YTD. The Vanguard LifeStrategy Growth Fund was started on 3/3/08. Since that time, the fund as returned -7.55%. Not that good, but we have just come out of a very bad few years for the markets. That said, the most conservative fund has returned 5.98% since its inception.

What does this tell us? Simply that setting up your account and hoping for the best will not work. It is critical that you review your account and its performance two to four times each year so that you will not start going backwards.

529...411

The College Foundation of North Carolina's 529 plan has a simple sign up process. Once your account is set up, you have several options.



The first question that we need to answer is what your risk tolerance is. Are you a conservative investor, an aggressive investor, or somewhere in between? A conservative investor wants to avoid risk at all cost. The jar buried in the back yard looks good compared to investing in the stock market. On the other hand, an aggressive investor is willing to take significant risk for the chance of a significant return. The moderate investor is willing to take some risk for a bigger return. Now, there is nothing right or wrong with any of these investors. That being said, you need to be honest with yourself as to which type of investor you are. You are not going to earn a 10% return with a conservative investment portfolio. You also should not be overly surprised by seeing larger swings in portfolio value in an aggressive investment mix.



The second question you need to ask is much easier. When will the funds be needed? The shorter your timeline, the more conservative you need to be.



There are three age adjusted tracks based on the type of investor you defined yourself as. These tracks adjust your account mix based on how many years remain before the money will be needed. As you get closer to needing the money, your account adjusts from growth to capital preservation. These tracks are made up of a mix of Vanguard mutual funds.



You also have the option of customizing your mix of Vanguard funds based on your knowledge and risk tolerance. Now, most people do not have the time to research all of the funds and how each fund is invested. That is the reason the College Foundation has these easy 1,2,3 tracks. But, I would encourage you to seek out a Certified Financial Planner to review the funds and your strategy, (OK, there is my shameless advertising). Just selecting a track will likely not get you to your goal in the most efficient manner.

Remember, the shorter your timeline the more you will need to contribute and the less risk you should be taking. You may see a large return with an aggressive portfolio, however if it drops you may not have time for the market to recover.

Tomorrow I will be looking at these Vanguard funds in more detail and discussing how to evaluate a mutual fund.

When in doubt, end with a pleasant "God Bless"

In the world of sales and customer service, you talk to a lot of very nice people. These people are glad that you listened to them and addressed their questions and concerns. There are also those people that call you for help, but they really do not want any assistance. These people simply want a live voice or name that they can yell at verbally or by e-mail.

As the responder to the customer you can take the low road and yell back at them. The second option is the defensive road, where you try to defend the company's position. The Time Warner option, would be to transfer them to someone else without ever assisting them. Or the final option, and as I learned today maybe the best option, address the question as simply as possible and end with a "Thank you and God bless". I mean really, how can someone come back at you when you end with "God bless"? No never no, maybe you will even receive an apology from the person out of guilt. Hey, I have seen it happen.

In conclusion, a little southern charm and politeness can defuse many situations. But when this does not work, feel free to take the Time Warner approach.

Don't take life too seriously, you will never get out alive.

I love this quote. It was said in the movie, National Lampoon's Van Wilder. It helps me to justify my attitude on life. There are so many people that I know in the workplace and socially that are wound so tight, that they are on the verge of a heart attack. One thing that I have determined is that the people that can laugh and joke even in tough situations, are the ones that never seem to have as many bad things happen to them as others. Why is this? Simple, because of their attitude.

It is important to understand that some situations call for serious behavior. My wife told me that I needed to be serious for only one day, our wedding. I agreed. Now 7 1/2 years later, she will tell you that I took that statement too literally.

So remember, laughter is nature's candy....or is that raisins, I can never be sure. I end with a challenge to all of you who are a little too serious for your Friday. While sitting at your desk, start singing any disco song that you think of. When someone asks what you are doing, respond by saying; "I think disco is making a comeback and I want to be ready."

think before you eat...at least at your desk.

In cubicle towns, smells travel. The good and the bad, quickly make their way around the office. Aside from certain types of flowers, food can generate some of the most potent smells. So, I have listed below the top five things that you should stay away from if you are eating lunch at your desk.

#5. Tuna.

#4. Cheeseburger with grilled onions.

#3. Burnt popcorn.

#2 . Ensure (OK, there is no smell on this one. But really, if you are at this stage, it is very sad that you still work in a cube)

And the #1 food not be be eaten at your desk is: Anything that will cause you to expel gas!

Remember, Only you can prevent air pollution!

If your motivated and you know it clap your hands

You have all seen motivational pictures. Those pieces of office artwork with images of a man climbing a mountain or an eagle soaring. These pictures have a word at the top like Teamwork, Success, or Perseverance. The intention of the pictures are to motivate and make employees think about their work and strive to excel. Great idea. However, what I find interesting is that you tend to see these pictures in offices that are in desperate need of motivation. It is rare to see these pictures in an office where motivation is high. So, once motivation improved did management take the pictures down?" No, these pictures were most likely never there.

I challenge everyone today to think back to when you graduated. What was your dream job? Money aside, this was the job that you would have done for free if you did not need the money. Now, evaluate where you are now. Are you on the path to get to that dream job? Are you in your dream job? Or, Did you get off track somewhere down the line? I think that we all learn to settle. After all, life is all about compromises. I think that the key is to never misplace your passion. If you are looking at a mortgage, childcare, etc, it is not realistic to drop everything and become a professional Bag Piper. But, that is not to say you should not pursue your dreams. Maybe find a part time job or volunteer in this area to try it out. If you get excited just being there, guess what? You did not need one of those motivational pictures!

Making a career move can be an emotional and financially challenging proposition. My uncle once said while standing on a figurative and actual soapbox; "If you don't like your job, just quit!" Great passion, but thin on a game plan. In 30 years when you are looking back, it would be satisfying to be able to say, I lived my dream. In the words to the great Frank Sinatra, "I did it my way".

Dig up the coffee can in the backyard, you will need something better

I have decided to take an educational direction for my weekend posts. As a father of a 5 month old, I have already started college planning. In today's work environment, a four year college degree is no longer a "looks good", it is a "must have". So will opening up a 529 plan and adding a few dollars here and there get the little one to college? It may get you through one semester, but if you want your child to finish without a large student loan for a graduation present, you need a plan.

The average annual cost of a public 4 year college is $7,020. According to the College Board, this annual cost of college has been increasing at a rate between 6-9 percent per year. So, how many years do you have before your child is heading off to college? Using my daughter as an example, I have roughly 17 years. This means that the $7,020 annual cost today will be $18,903.27 in 17 years based on a 6% annual increase.

So, lets say that you decide to ditch the coffee can and invest for college in a balanced portfolio earning 9%. You will need to make annual contributions of $1,800.15 to hit your goal. The older your child is and the more conservative your investments are, the more you will need to contribute. Good luck and get savings!

Next weekend, I will take this to the next level and we will look at the different investment options for college savings and how to maximize your return without excessive risk.

Hey..What is the adverse weather policy?

When you think of weather on the Cape Fear Coast of North Carolina, most people think of hurricanes. Thess storms which frighten people from other geographical areas, give us a reason to have a Hurricane Party! During the last storm, my wife decided to do her impression of the Weather Channel's Jim Cantore on our porch. She held on to the porch rail and acted like she was getting blown away. I was happy to have caught this Oscar winning performance on tape.

When it comes to snow, the situation is much different. The average annual snowfall in this area of NC is too little to measure for the most part. The winter of 99/00, there was massive snowfall! I think we had 2-3 inches. You would have thought the world was coming to an end. Schools were closed for days, and there was not a gallon of milk in the entire county.

At our office last winter, we shut down early one afternoon for "adverse weather"....snow. It did not cover the grass in my yard. The "official"corporate voicemail script was e-mailed out that morning. The message went something like; "Due to extreme adverse weather, our office is closing early". The next morning I was laughed at by several partners calling from New Jersey that thought this was hysterical.

We are expected to get 2-4 inches tonight. So, if I don't make it to work for the next 4 days, I will claim that I did not feel safe driving in the "extreme" adverse weather. If we all hunker down, we might just make it through.

The day the music died

This evening I had the pleasure of eating dinner with a great group of people. This was a group that I have worked with for the last 4 years. The reason for this dinner was to say farewell to this group as we have come to know it. We will all still stay in touch, however many have already gone their separate ways. I think Robert Frost said it best; "Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back."

It is nice to remember, but I hope that we never forget. The relationships that I have developed and the lessons learned, I will carry with me forever.

The future for all of us is uncertain. However, our individual success is what we make of it. I am looking forward.

Undercover Boss

I hope that you saw the new tv show following the Super Bowl on CBS called "Undercover Boss". The idea of the show is that a CEO goes undercover as a new entry level employee at their own company. The CEO gets a chance to see their company from the front lines.

This is a great idea. I think this should be a requirement for all CEOs to do at least once every year to truly stay grounded with the company they are leading. Maybe if CEOs all went undercover, they wound better understand that their decisions over the last few years have taken a major blow to their front line employees.

Most employees that are unhappy are not that way because they are bitter. They are unhappy because they feel that they have no voice. Employees that are the face and voice of the company day in and out, want to believe that the company values their opinions as well as their hard work. Ask anyone who works for a company on the "Best Places to Work" list. I guarantee they will tell you that their company truly values them as an employee.

keys...check, lunch...check, coffee...check, morale...I knew I forgot something.

Office morale is by far more important than anything else. Morale can unite, uplift, and rally. An office that can rally their employees together can accomplish anything. However, an office than lacks morale, will go nowhere.



There was a great book by Yvon Chouinard called "Let My People Go Surfing". Yvon is the founder of Patagonia. Yvon is able to provide a work environment that allows his employees to love to go to work. They believe in the company and the direction that it is taking. As a company grows larger, this becomes harder, but also becomes even more essential. If your employees are not excited to come to work, then they will never produce at their potential. Only a blind and deaf manager cannot gauge office morale. Only a manager that is in CYA mode doesn't care about morale. Morale cannot be manufactured. Unfortunately too many managers try to increase morale with games, contest, or catered lunches. These are band-aids on a gunshot. They are a temporary fix to a much bigger issue.

Beatrice the Bonsai

Office spaces are very plain. Tan, grey, and white cover most surfaces. In my prior office I had a 4' tall ficus tree. This tree was tastefully decorated with Christmas lights and a fake parrot.

On the desk in front of mine, there is currently an 80% dead bonsai named Beatrice. This bonsai once was full of life, however the pressures of office life has taken its toll. Beatrice's owner is optimistic of her return to glory.

Just like your classroom in elementary school, every office should have a mascot or office pet. For no other reason than to provide a needed distraction when you are getting ready to lose it. Now in order not to kill all morale, there are a few mascots that you should stay away from such as; a pinata of your manager (Unless it is filled with very good candy) or Pinocchio (We have no need for another corporate puppet).

So, go be creative.

"Looking for answer to questions that bothered him so"

These words I'm sure are familiar to many of you. These are from the Jimmy Buffett song "He went to Paris". Jimmy himself describes this song as being about keeping your senses when the whole world has gone crazy. This has rung true for me and this concept is reinforced everyday in an office setting.

In Corporate America, there is always the next best idea or way of doing things. Not that the way that you just learned after numerous training classes and meetings wasn't good enough. Now that way is being replaced with an even better way. What defines this as a much better way? Simple, a consultant was brought in at a great expense to explain that this is a much better way. What I find convenient, is that the brain trust that develops these ideas never seems to ask the folks who use them; "Is this practical?"

These questions that bother us so, may not have good answers. But, as members of the cubicle nation we need to remember that this is all part of the ride. If you can't learn to roll with the punches and go through the day with a since of humor, your retirement will consist of a padded room and a handful of medications.

So the challenge is this: The next time you are sitting in a meeting with the next best thing being discussed, look around the room, up to the ceiling, and around on the floor. When someone finally gets curious as to what you are looking for, say; "I have seem to have lost the point of this meeting."

Pirates of the Workplace

Pirates are alive and well in the workplace. Any extended time away from your desk is like Christmas morning for an office pirate. Pens, post-its, staples, and even food in the break room, they are all fair game. Open season for a pirate is when an employee leaves the company. Remember the movie Friday? After Debo gets knocked out, the guys from the neighborhood run up and steal the boots from his feet.

So, how do we protect ourselves from these pirates? Aside from locking up all of your stuff every time you leave your desk, there are not many options. But, we can have fun with this. Keep your best supplies on lock down, but leave a supply of pens and note pads in plain view. These items need to have ads for E.D. or bladder control medication on them. If someone has the nerve to take these, at least you will get a good laugh.

But remember, if you use these items for more than four hours, please seek immediate medical attention.

I will provide you with everything you will need...just don't ask me for anything

The world of finance has changed. Unless you have been in a bubble for the last year, you know that money and credit are not handed out to everyone with a pulse any longer. Financial institutions want to make sure that they are lending to "qualified" customers. Over the last few years most customers thought that a credit score was all they needed. This is a big reason why the country is in the situation that it is in today.



So why do customers get upset when they are asked for tax returns, account statements, etc? If someone is reluctant to provide documentation, I wonder what they are trying to hide? I guess this is the same concept as going through airport security. I know that I am not a terrorist. However, I have to take off my shoes just like everyone else. I am ok with this and customers seeking credit should be as well.



The bottom line is that if you are not willing to provide what is required, you have no business applying.

Let me be honest with you

As a sales person, I have used this phrase many times. Does this mean that for the entire conversation prior to this that we were lying? No, but it is an interesting choice of words.







In our society we are conditioned to be sceptical of anyone in sales. On the news at least once a week, there is a story of a person who was taken advantage of by a salesperson. So, do we use these words to gain trust with our customers and make our presentation more heartfelt? Sadly, yes. There are substitutes for many of the items that we buy. Pepsi for Coke, bank for bank, car dealership for car dealership. So what makes one sales person stand out from the competition. Honesty. No salesperson will win all of the time, but the honest salesperson will win consistently over a long period of time.







If only those in positions of authority took their reputations with employees as seriously. I am not suggesting that management should make all decisions based on if their employees will like them. That is not realistic or good business. However, it would be refreshing to believe what you are told without the standard BS.

A Penny for your thoughts...But you owe me a quarter if they're stupid

I talk to a lot of different people every day. These individuals are from all over the country and from all walks of life. Like most of you, I connect with some personalities better than others.



What amazes me is that no matter how old or how educated, there are those people that speak without thinking. I remember a conversation that I had with a man a few years ago. This man was requesting an unsecured personal loan. My first question was an obvious one. "What are you needing the money for?" Very politely the man responded, "Well, I need to pay my attorney before I can file my bankruptcy papers." Really? Yes.



So what can we do in these situations? I urge everyone to create their own "Wall of Shame". Keep a list of the best/worse quotes that you hear. Then at the end of the year have a office party, and rank these from bad to worse. This gives everyone something to laugh at other than their paycheck!

When fruit turns blue, its time to throw it out

The old sayings goes; "Idle hands are the devil's workshop". Does that mean that micro management is next to godliness? Not quite.





Micro-management is a style that I have never gotten use to. There was a line in one of my favorite movies that reflects the management style of too many companies. Red, Morgan Freeman's character is the Shawshank Redemption, was released from prison and returns to the workforce. Before he takes a bathroom break, he asks "Permission to take a leak, boss?". Granted this is an extreme example, but not too far from the truth. A friend of mine in sales, stepped away from his desk for 5 minutes to take a breather and a bathroom break. This was not his "scheduled" 15 minute break. When he returned to his desk, he had received a voicemail, two e-mails, and an instant message. All of these where freaking out and wondering why he was not at his desk.





The best manager I have ever had the pleasure of working with did a very simple thing. She gave her employees the freedom to do their jobs. She expected hard and quality work, but she allowed each employee to let their own personality come through. Overtime was never mandated. But the interesting part was that all of her employees went the extra mile.



The bottom line is that if a leader has to micro manage, they are self-conscience of their our faults as a manager. A great employee looks to management for leadership. A great manager responses by projecting confidence and inspiring creativity.

My Cubicle Masifesto

The corporate machine has led you astray. The American dream has been distorted. Now is the time for us to rise up and change the reality that we live.

When our baby boomer parents joined the work force there was a dream. This dream was nurtured from the successes of their parents. This generation saw a quality of life improvement that covered everything from indoor plumbing, graduating high school, owning a home away from the family farm, and the invention of retirement. Our parents embraced this dream and took the next step. This generation attended college and headed to the workforce under the idea that if you are loyal and work hard for a company, that company will do right by its employees. For the most part this was correct. So what has changed?

The corporate culture today is that the company will do what is best for the stockholders, not its hard working foot solders. Is this wrong? No. The company is in business to make money. However, we as employees, still have this generation old concept that the company cares about us as individuals. This is simply not true.

I call on all cubicle slaves to free yourselves of the chains that you have allowed the company and society to place on you. At the end of the day, the only one who can comfort you at night is you!

My challenge for you this Sunday is to take a piece of paper and write down all of the things that you enjoy doing or things that you would like to do. This is a free thinking exercise. If you like to paint, write, build, or go to Wal-Mart and play count the mullets, write it down. Now, once you have your list, put it on your refrigerator. Why? This is you! Don't hide it because corporate America will think that you are less professional or not dedicated to only to the company. Who cares! The company does not think about you and your family when they made the decision to cancel holiday time off or institute Saturday work hours.

Define who you are and embrace it.

Welcome to cubicle 363

Welcome to my cube. I'm sure that I am not unlike many of you. I go to work every day with a positive outlook. "today will be a good day". What I have discovered is that the view from the inside of a cubicle does not change.

Therefore, why not take humor in the daily rediculousness.

This blog will serve as an outlet to all of you that refuss to drink the corporate koolaid.