The Yankees are coming, the Yankees are coming!

Have you ever wondered why those of us in the south still get a sour taste in our mouth when someone says they are from up north. I guarantee that most of us Southerners would agree that it has nothing to do with the Civil War.

In the south, we are taught from a young age to be polite, respectful, and to enjoy the simple things in life. I have visited every state in the northeast, and there are some beautiful areas and some great people. However, it amazes me how "busy" people seem to be. Yankees always seem to be in a hurry and everything always has to be done asap. Its like they are drinking Redbull 24/7. I remember being up north and holding a door open for someone. They looked at me like I had lost my mind.

Being Southern has nothing to do with race or rednecks. Its about living life at a slower pace. Its about saying Thank You, Yes Mam, and y'all. Its about listening without interrupting, sweet tea, and pork bar-b-que. I love to travel, but there is nothing like coming back home to the south.

So the next time you are at work and encounter a Yankee just remember, they don't know any better. It is our job to extend our Southern Hospitality to everyone and educate them. We should start a movement; "No Yankee left behind". After all, it worked so well for the public education!

The rat race is over....The rats won.

The first time that I saw this phrase was on a cross-stitch on the wall at my house growing up. I did not understand what this meant. It seemed like a ridiculous statement. As a corporate cubicle dweller, this phrase has become crystal clear.

It is amazing how we all seem to run around everyday in a race. What they don't tell us is that, this race will never end. So, how to we pace ourselves on this race? We do this by using humor. We do this because as the great philosopher Jimmy Buffett said; "If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane."

Today's challenge is this. Pull together all of the employees in your department. Develop a "Professional Wrestling" intro with music for all of the employees. Every Friday morning, call out your intros and run down the cubicle row before work to pump yourself up. Think about how cool it would be to show up to work and hear Jimmy Hendrix's Voodoo Child, followed by "now entering the office, hailing from cubicle 363 ..."

That would more fun than say.....an e-mailed picture of Chuck Norris!

It puts the lotion in the basket.

If you did not read the title and say to yourself, "or it gets the hose again", you really need to brush up on your movies. This is one of the famous lines in the movie Silence of the Lambs. So, what does this have to do with the world of Corporate America?

All of us answer to someone. In some situations, many of us feel that we are being held captive, forced into decisions that only have one option. But, this is life. The creative person will take their situation and use it to their benefit. Sun Tzu stated; "When the enemy is at ease, be able to weary him; when well fed, to starve him; when at rest, to make him move. Appear at places to which he must hasten; move swiftly where he does not expect you."

Take your situation whatever it is, and use your creativity, skill, and intelligence to manipulate it to your advantage. If this does not work, you can always become speed skating coach for The Netherlands, I hear they are in need of a new one!

529...411 part 2

I left off yesterday with a statement regarding mutual funds.

A mutual fund is simply a group of stocks or bonds. These can be grouped in many different ways. The reason that mutual funds are extremely popular is that the funds allow individuals with smaller amounts of invested cash to earn returns better than savings accounts and achieve diversification within their portfolio. Now, let me be very clear. Investing in a mutual fund will not always properly diversify your portfolio. But, that is a topic for another day.

So, how do you tell how good a mutual fund is? Well, there are a few key factors to look at. First, what is the Morningstar rating? Morningstar rates mutual funds with a star system of 1 to 5. The more stars the better. These ratings are based on past performance and updated on a monthly basis. The second key to look at is the mutual fund's performance as compared to the market. The fund performance figures are easy to locate on Yahoo Finance. I would then compare these figures against an index like the S &P 500 over the same period of time.

Lets take a look at one of the Vanguard funds that is available for the NC 529 plan with the College Foundation. The most aggressive Vanguard option is the Vanguard LifeStrategy Growth Fund. The College Foundation provides the performance numbers on their website. However, because these investment options are relatively new, they only provide performance figures for last year, and YTD. The Vanguard LifeStrategy Growth Fund was started on 3/3/08. Since that time, the fund as returned -7.55%. Not that good, but we have just come out of a very bad few years for the markets. That said, the most conservative fund has returned 5.98% since its inception.

What does this tell us? Simply that setting up your account and hoping for the best will not work. It is critical that you review your account and its performance two to four times each year so that you will not start going backwards.

529...411

The College Foundation of North Carolina's 529 plan has a simple sign up process. Once your account is set up, you have several options.



The first question that we need to answer is what your risk tolerance is. Are you a conservative investor, an aggressive investor, or somewhere in between? A conservative investor wants to avoid risk at all cost. The jar buried in the back yard looks good compared to investing in the stock market. On the other hand, an aggressive investor is willing to take significant risk for the chance of a significant return. The moderate investor is willing to take some risk for a bigger return. Now, there is nothing right or wrong with any of these investors. That being said, you need to be honest with yourself as to which type of investor you are. You are not going to earn a 10% return with a conservative investment portfolio. You also should not be overly surprised by seeing larger swings in portfolio value in an aggressive investment mix.



The second question you need to ask is much easier. When will the funds be needed? The shorter your timeline, the more conservative you need to be.



There are three age adjusted tracks based on the type of investor you defined yourself as. These tracks adjust your account mix based on how many years remain before the money will be needed. As you get closer to needing the money, your account adjusts from growth to capital preservation. These tracks are made up of a mix of Vanguard mutual funds.



You also have the option of customizing your mix of Vanguard funds based on your knowledge and risk tolerance. Now, most people do not have the time to research all of the funds and how each fund is invested. That is the reason the College Foundation has these easy 1,2,3 tracks. But, I would encourage you to seek out a Certified Financial Planner to review the funds and your strategy, (OK, there is my shameless advertising). Just selecting a track will likely not get you to your goal in the most efficient manner.

Remember, the shorter your timeline the more you will need to contribute and the less risk you should be taking. You may see a large return with an aggressive portfolio, however if it drops you may not have time for the market to recover.

Tomorrow I will be looking at these Vanguard funds in more detail and discussing how to evaluate a mutual fund.

When in doubt, end with a pleasant "God Bless"

In the world of sales and customer service, you talk to a lot of very nice people. These people are glad that you listened to them and addressed their questions and concerns. There are also those people that call you for help, but they really do not want any assistance. These people simply want a live voice or name that they can yell at verbally or by e-mail.

As the responder to the customer you can take the low road and yell back at them. The second option is the defensive road, where you try to defend the company's position. The Time Warner option, would be to transfer them to someone else without ever assisting them. Or the final option, and as I learned today maybe the best option, address the question as simply as possible and end with a "Thank you and God bless". I mean really, how can someone come back at you when you end with "God bless"? No never no, maybe you will even receive an apology from the person out of guilt. Hey, I have seen it happen.

In conclusion, a little southern charm and politeness can defuse many situations. But when this does not work, feel free to take the Time Warner approach.

Don't take life too seriously, you will never get out alive.

I love this quote. It was said in the movie, National Lampoon's Van Wilder. It helps me to justify my attitude on life. There are so many people that I know in the workplace and socially that are wound so tight, that they are on the verge of a heart attack. One thing that I have determined is that the people that can laugh and joke even in tough situations, are the ones that never seem to have as many bad things happen to them as others. Why is this? Simple, because of their attitude.

It is important to understand that some situations call for serious behavior. My wife told me that I needed to be serious for only one day, our wedding. I agreed. Now 7 1/2 years later, she will tell you that I took that statement too literally.

So remember, laughter is nature's candy....or is that raisins, I can never be sure. I end with a challenge to all of you who are a little too serious for your Friday. While sitting at your desk, start singing any disco song that you think of. When someone asks what you are doing, respond by saying; "I think disco is making a comeback and I want to be ready."

think before you eat...at least at your desk.

In cubicle towns, smells travel. The good and the bad, quickly make their way around the office. Aside from certain types of flowers, food can generate some of the most potent smells. So, I have listed below the top five things that you should stay away from if you are eating lunch at your desk.

#5. Tuna.

#4. Cheeseburger with grilled onions.

#3. Burnt popcorn.

#2 . Ensure (OK, there is no smell on this one. But really, if you are at this stage, it is very sad that you still work in a cube)

And the #1 food not be be eaten at your desk is: Anything that will cause you to expel gas!

Remember, Only you can prevent air pollution!

If your motivated and you know it clap your hands

You have all seen motivational pictures. Those pieces of office artwork with images of a man climbing a mountain or an eagle soaring. These pictures have a word at the top like Teamwork, Success, or Perseverance. The intention of the pictures are to motivate and make employees think about their work and strive to excel. Great idea. However, what I find interesting is that you tend to see these pictures in offices that are in desperate need of motivation. It is rare to see these pictures in an office where motivation is high. So, once motivation improved did management take the pictures down?" No, these pictures were most likely never there.

I challenge everyone today to think back to when you graduated. What was your dream job? Money aside, this was the job that you would have done for free if you did not need the money. Now, evaluate where you are now. Are you on the path to get to that dream job? Are you in your dream job? Or, Did you get off track somewhere down the line? I think that we all learn to settle. After all, life is all about compromises. I think that the key is to never misplace your passion. If you are looking at a mortgage, childcare, etc, it is not realistic to drop everything and become a professional Bag Piper. But, that is not to say you should not pursue your dreams. Maybe find a part time job or volunteer in this area to try it out. If you get excited just being there, guess what? You did not need one of those motivational pictures!

Making a career move can be an emotional and financially challenging proposition. My uncle once said while standing on a figurative and actual soapbox; "If you don't like your job, just quit!" Great passion, but thin on a game plan. In 30 years when you are looking back, it would be satisfying to be able to say, I lived my dream. In the words to the great Frank Sinatra, "I did it my way".

Dig up the coffee can in the backyard, you will need something better

I have decided to take an educational direction for my weekend posts. As a father of a 5 month old, I have already started college planning. In today's work environment, a four year college degree is no longer a "looks good", it is a "must have". So will opening up a 529 plan and adding a few dollars here and there get the little one to college? It may get you through one semester, but if you want your child to finish without a large student loan for a graduation present, you need a plan.

The average annual cost of a public 4 year college is $7,020. According to the College Board, this annual cost of college has been increasing at a rate between 6-9 percent per year. So, how many years do you have before your child is heading off to college? Using my daughter as an example, I have roughly 17 years. This means that the $7,020 annual cost today will be $18,903.27 in 17 years based on a 6% annual increase.

So, lets say that you decide to ditch the coffee can and invest for college in a balanced portfolio earning 9%. You will need to make annual contributions of $1,800.15 to hit your goal. The older your child is and the more conservative your investments are, the more you will need to contribute. Good luck and get savings!

Next weekend, I will take this to the next level and we will look at the different investment options for college savings and how to maximize your return without excessive risk.

Hey..What is the adverse weather policy?

When you think of weather on the Cape Fear Coast of North Carolina, most people think of hurricanes. Thess storms which frighten people from other geographical areas, give us a reason to have a Hurricane Party! During the last storm, my wife decided to do her impression of the Weather Channel's Jim Cantore on our porch. She held on to the porch rail and acted like she was getting blown away. I was happy to have caught this Oscar winning performance on tape.

When it comes to snow, the situation is much different. The average annual snowfall in this area of NC is too little to measure for the most part. The winter of 99/00, there was massive snowfall! I think we had 2-3 inches. You would have thought the world was coming to an end. Schools were closed for days, and there was not a gallon of milk in the entire county.

At our office last winter, we shut down early one afternoon for "adverse weather"....snow. It did not cover the grass in my yard. The "official"corporate voicemail script was e-mailed out that morning. The message went something like; "Due to extreme adverse weather, our office is closing early". The next morning I was laughed at by several partners calling from New Jersey that thought this was hysterical.

We are expected to get 2-4 inches tonight. So, if I don't make it to work for the next 4 days, I will claim that I did not feel safe driving in the "extreme" adverse weather. If we all hunker down, we might just make it through.

The day the music died

This evening I had the pleasure of eating dinner with a great group of people. This was a group that I have worked with for the last 4 years. The reason for this dinner was to say farewell to this group as we have come to know it. We will all still stay in touch, however many have already gone their separate ways. I think Robert Frost said it best; "Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back."

It is nice to remember, but I hope that we never forget. The relationships that I have developed and the lessons learned, I will carry with me forever.

The future for all of us is uncertain. However, our individual success is what we make of it. I am looking forward.

Undercover Boss

I hope that you saw the new tv show following the Super Bowl on CBS called "Undercover Boss". The idea of the show is that a CEO goes undercover as a new entry level employee at their own company. The CEO gets a chance to see their company from the front lines.

This is a great idea. I think this should be a requirement for all CEOs to do at least once every year to truly stay grounded with the company they are leading. Maybe if CEOs all went undercover, they wound better understand that their decisions over the last few years have taken a major blow to their front line employees.

Most employees that are unhappy are not that way because they are bitter. They are unhappy because they feel that they have no voice. Employees that are the face and voice of the company day in and out, want to believe that the company values their opinions as well as their hard work. Ask anyone who works for a company on the "Best Places to Work" list. I guarantee they will tell you that their company truly values them as an employee.

keys...check, lunch...check, coffee...check, morale...I knew I forgot something.

Office morale is by far more important than anything else. Morale can unite, uplift, and rally. An office that can rally their employees together can accomplish anything. However, an office than lacks morale, will go nowhere.



There was a great book by Yvon Chouinard called "Let My People Go Surfing". Yvon is the founder of Patagonia. Yvon is able to provide a work environment that allows his employees to love to go to work. They believe in the company and the direction that it is taking. As a company grows larger, this becomes harder, but also becomes even more essential. If your employees are not excited to come to work, then they will never produce at their potential. Only a blind and deaf manager cannot gauge office morale. Only a manager that is in CYA mode doesn't care about morale. Morale cannot be manufactured. Unfortunately too many managers try to increase morale with games, contest, or catered lunches. These are band-aids on a gunshot. They are a temporary fix to a much bigger issue.

Beatrice the Bonsai

Office spaces are very plain. Tan, grey, and white cover most surfaces. In my prior office I had a 4' tall ficus tree. This tree was tastefully decorated with Christmas lights and a fake parrot.

On the desk in front of mine, there is currently an 80% dead bonsai named Beatrice. This bonsai once was full of life, however the pressures of office life has taken its toll. Beatrice's owner is optimistic of her return to glory.

Just like your classroom in elementary school, every office should have a mascot or office pet. For no other reason than to provide a needed distraction when you are getting ready to lose it. Now in order not to kill all morale, there are a few mascots that you should stay away from such as; a pinata of your manager (Unless it is filled with very good candy) or Pinocchio (We have no need for another corporate puppet).

So, go be creative.

"Looking for answer to questions that bothered him so"

These words I'm sure are familiar to many of you. These are from the Jimmy Buffett song "He went to Paris". Jimmy himself describes this song as being about keeping your senses when the whole world has gone crazy. This has rung true for me and this concept is reinforced everyday in an office setting.

In Corporate America, there is always the next best idea or way of doing things. Not that the way that you just learned after numerous training classes and meetings wasn't good enough. Now that way is being replaced with an even better way. What defines this as a much better way? Simple, a consultant was brought in at a great expense to explain that this is a much better way. What I find convenient, is that the brain trust that develops these ideas never seems to ask the folks who use them; "Is this practical?"

These questions that bother us so, may not have good answers. But, as members of the cubicle nation we need to remember that this is all part of the ride. If you can't learn to roll with the punches and go through the day with a since of humor, your retirement will consist of a padded room and a handful of medications.

So the challenge is this: The next time you are sitting in a meeting with the next best thing being discussed, look around the room, up to the ceiling, and around on the floor. When someone finally gets curious as to what you are looking for, say; "I have seem to have lost the point of this meeting."

Pirates of the Workplace

Pirates are alive and well in the workplace. Any extended time away from your desk is like Christmas morning for an office pirate. Pens, post-its, staples, and even food in the break room, they are all fair game. Open season for a pirate is when an employee leaves the company. Remember the movie Friday? After Debo gets knocked out, the guys from the neighborhood run up and steal the boots from his feet.

So, how do we protect ourselves from these pirates? Aside from locking up all of your stuff every time you leave your desk, there are not many options. But, we can have fun with this. Keep your best supplies on lock down, but leave a supply of pens and note pads in plain view. These items need to have ads for E.D. or bladder control medication on them. If someone has the nerve to take these, at least you will get a good laugh.

But remember, if you use these items for more than four hours, please seek immediate medical attention.

I will provide you with everything you will need...just don't ask me for anything

The world of finance has changed. Unless you have been in a bubble for the last year, you know that money and credit are not handed out to everyone with a pulse any longer. Financial institutions want to make sure that they are lending to "qualified" customers. Over the last few years most customers thought that a credit score was all they needed. This is a big reason why the country is in the situation that it is in today.



So why do customers get upset when they are asked for tax returns, account statements, etc? If someone is reluctant to provide documentation, I wonder what they are trying to hide? I guess this is the same concept as going through airport security. I know that I am not a terrorist. However, I have to take off my shoes just like everyone else. I am ok with this and customers seeking credit should be as well.



The bottom line is that if you are not willing to provide what is required, you have no business applying.

Let me be honest with you

As a sales person, I have used this phrase many times. Does this mean that for the entire conversation prior to this that we were lying? No, but it is an interesting choice of words.







In our society we are conditioned to be sceptical of anyone in sales. On the news at least once a week, there is a story of a person who was taken advantage of by a salesperson. So, do we use these words to gain trust with our customers and make our presentation more heartfelt? Sadly, yes. There are substitutes for many of the items that we buy. Pepsi for Coke, bank for bank, car dealership for car dealership. So what makes one sales person stand out from the competition. Honesty. No salesperson will win all of the time, but the honest salesperson will win consistently over a long period of time.







If only those in positions of authority took their reputations with employees as seriously. I am not suggesting that management should make all decisions based on if their employees will like them. That is not realistic or good business. However, it would be refreshing to believe what you are told without the standard BS.

A Penny for your thoughts...But you owe me a quarter if they're stupid

I talk to a lot of different people every day. These individuals are from all over the country and from all walks of life. Like most of you, I connect with some personalities better than others.



What amazes me is that no matter how old or how educated, there are those people that speak without thinking. I remember a conversation that I had with a man a few years ago. This man was requesting an unsecured personal loan. My first question was an obvious one. "What are you needing the money for?" Very politely the man responded, "Well, I need to pay my attorney before I can file my bankruptcy papers." Really? Yes.



So what can we do in these situations? I urge everyone to create their own "Wall of Shame". Keep a list of the best/worse quotes that you hear. Then at the end of the year have a office party, and rank these from bad to worse. This gives everyone something to laugh at other than their paycheck!