Why rappers should run the corporate PR department.

When was the last time that you received a corporate communication. Now is it just me, or are most of these communications as generic as they can be? Its like they want to communicate a message but they don't really want to say it. So, they just create a lot of fluff and expect you to know what they are saying.

Now, we have all heard a Lil Jon song. After 3 1/2 minutes of Lil Jon rapping, he has not really said anything. Or in the words of Dr. Dre; "Its like this and like that and like this and uh." If that does not sound like a corporate e-mail, I don't know what does. At least a rapper can make it sound good.

So, the next time that you receive a corporate e-mail that makes no sense, read it out loud, then say "Make em say UNGGGGGGH, Na-nah na-nah".

The Yankees are coming, the Yankees are coming!

Have you ever wondered why those of us in the south still get a sour taste in our mouth when someone says they are from up north. I guarantee that most of us Southerners would agree that it has nothing to do with the Civil War.

In the south, we are taught from a young age to be polite, respectful, and to enjoy the simple things in life. I have visited every state in the northeast, and there are some beautiful areas and some great people. However, it amazes me how "busy" people seem to be. Yankees always seem to be in a hurry and everything always has to be done asap. Its like they are drinking Redbull 24/7. I remember being up north and holding a door open for someone. They looked at me like I had lost my mind.

Being Southern has nothing to do with race or rednecks. Its about living life at a slower pace. Its about saying Thank You, Yes Mam, and y'all. Its about listening without interrupting, sweet tea, and pork bar-b-que. I love to travel, but there is nothing like coming back home to the south.

So the next time you are at work and encounter a Yankee just remember, they don't know any better. It is our job to extend our Southern Hospitality to everyone and educate them. We should start a movement; "No Yankee left behind". After all, it worked so well for the public education!

The rat race is over....The rats won.

The first time that I saw this phrase was on a cross-stitch on the wall at my house growing up. I did not understand what this meant. It seemed like a ridiculous statement. As a corporate cubicle dweller, this phrase has become crystal clear.

It is amazing how we all seem to run around everyday in a race. What they don't tell us is that, this race will never end. So, how to we pace ourselves on this race? We do this by using humor. We do this because as the great philosopher Jimmy Buffett said; "If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane."

Today's challenge is this. Pull together all of the employees in your department. Develop a "Professional Wrestling" intro with music for all of the employees. Every Friday morning, call out your intros and run down the cubicle row before work to pump yourself up. Think about how cool it would be to show up to work and hear Jimmy Hendrix's Voodoo Child, followed by "now entering the office, hailing from cubicle 363 ..."

That would more fun than say.....an e-mailed picture of Chuck Norris!

It puts the lotion in the basket.

If you did not read the title and say to yourself, "or it gets the hose again", you really need to brush up on your movies. This is one of the famous lines in the movie Silence of the Lambs. So, what does this have to do with the world of Corporate America?

All of us answer to someone. In some situations, many of us feel that we are being held captive, forced into decisions that only have one option. But, this is life. The creative person will take their situation and use it to their benefit. Sun Tzu stated; "When the enemy is at ease, be able to weary him; when well fed, to starve him; when at rest, to make him move. Appear at places to which he must hasten; move swiftly where he does not expect you."

Take your situation whatever it is, and use your creativity, skill, and intelligence to manipulate it to your advantage. If this does not work, you can always become speed skating coach for The Netherlands, I hear they are in need of a new one!

529...411 part 2

I left off yesterday with a statement regarding mutual funds.

A mutual fund is simply a group of stocks or bonds. These can be grouped in many different ways. The reason that mutual funds are extremely popular is that the funds allow individuals with smaller amounts of invested cash to earn returns better than savings accounts and achieve diversification within their portfolio. Now, let me be very clear. Investing in a mutual fund will not always properly diversify your portfolio. But, that is a topic for another day.

So, how do you tell how good a mutual fund is? Well, there are a few key factors to look at. First, what is the Morningstar rating? Morningstar rates mutual funds with a star system of 1 to 5. The more stars the better. These ratings are based on past performance and updated on a monthly basis. The second key to look at is the mutual fund's performance as compared to the market. The fund performance figures are easy to locate on Yahoo Finance. I would then compare these figures against an index like the S &P 500 over the same period of time.

Lets take a look at one of the Vanguard funds that is available for the NC 529 plan with the College Foundation. The most aggressive Vanguard option is the Vanguard LifeStrategy Growth Fund. The College Foundation provides the performance numbers on their website. However, because these investment options are relatively new, they only provide performance figures for last year, and YTD. The Vanguard LifeStrategy Growth Fund was started on 3/3/08. Since that time, the fund as returned -7.55%. Not that good, but we have just come out of a very bad few years for the markets. That said, the most conservative fund has returned 5.98% since its inception.

What does this tell us? Simply that setting up your account and hoping for the best will not work. It is critical that you review your account and its performance two to four times each year so that you will not start going backwards.

529...411

The College Foundation of North Carolina's 529 plan has a simple sign up process. Once your account is set up, you have several options.



The first question that we need to answer is what your risk tolerance is. Are you a conservative investor, an aggressive investor, or somewhere in between? A conservative investor wants to avoid risk at all cost. The jar buried in the back yard looks good compared to investing in the stock market. On the other hand, an aggressive investor is willing to take significant risk for the chance of a significant return. The moderate investor is willing to take some risk for a bigger return. Now, there is nothing right or wrong with any of these investors. That being said, you need to be honest with yourself as to which type of investor you are. You are not going to earn a 10% return with a conservative investment portfolio. You also should not be overly surprised by seeing larger swings in portfolio value in an aggressive investment mix.



The second question you need to ask is much easier. When will the funds be needed? The shorter your timeline, the more conservative you need to be.



There are three age adjusted tracks based on the type of investor you defined yourself as. These tracks adjust your account mix based on how many years remain before the money will be needed. As you get closer to needing the money, your account adjusts from growth to capital preservation. These tracks are made up of a mix of Vanguard mutual funds.



You also have the option of customizing your mix of Vanguard funds based on your knowledge and risk tolerance. Now, most people do not have the time to research all of the funds and how each fund is invested. That is the reason the College Foundation has these easy 1,2,3 tracks. But, I would encourage you to seek out a Certified Financial Planner to review the funds and your strategy, (OK, there is my shameless advertising). Just selecting a track will likely not get you to your goal in the most efficient manner.

Remember, the shorter your timeline the more you will need to contribute and the less risk you should be taking. You may see a large return with an aggressive portfolio, however if it drops you may not have time for the market to recover.

Tomorrow I will be looking at these Vanguard funds in more detail and discussing how to evaluate a mutual fund.

When in doubt, end with a pleasant "God Bless"

In the world of sales and customer service, you talk to a lot of very nice people. These people are glad that you listened to them and addressed their questions and concerns. There are also those people that call you for help, but they really do not want any assistance. These people simply want a live voice or name that they can yell at verbally or by e-mail.

As the responder to the customer you can take the low road and yell back at them. The second option is the defensive road, where you try to defend the company's position. The Time Warner option, would be to transfer them to someone else without ever assisting them. Or the final option, and as I learned today maybe the best option, address the question as simply as possible and end with a "Thank you and God bless". I mean really, how can someone come back at you when you end with "God bless"? No never no, maybe you will even receive an apology from the person out of guilt. Hey, I have seen it happen.

In conclusion, a little southern charm and politeness can defuse many situations. But when this does not work, feel free to take the Time Warner approach.